This one's a repost of one I did ages ago, in light of a few readers subscribing after my recent attempts at poetry, as well as a recent very unsatisfactory debate with an apparent creationist elsewhere.
It was my first ever attempt at a poetry-ish treatment of the subject of religion, and is a blatant, unashamed rip-off of Gilbert's and Sullivan's The Major General's Song. (Not that I'm the first to do so, or the second.)
I am the very model of a Biblical Creationist;
To age the world I know I merely need to sum a list
Of all the 'gats and 'gots I find in Exodus and Genesis
And close my mind to evidence, reality and scientists.
I have no truck at all, with matters evolution'ry;
I'll be a monkey's uncle 'fore believing in ape-ancestry.
The only things I know about were taught me at my Mammy's knee;
The King James Bible's all I need to keep me from calamity.
Scientific the-ory to me is just a load of cod's
If it contradicts my unsubstantiated word of God.
I'll believe in myth and miracles, and in fabled lands of Nod,
But dismiss DNA, and Darwin and Mendel-ian pea-pods.
I'm happy to be ignorant, as the day that I was born,
I've got a little mantra: I say 'Show me the tansit'nal form'.
'Evidence!' I shout, then do nowt but cover it with scorn,
'It's just a theory', close my eyes, count to ten, hope you are gorn.
The Book is true, and God is truth, and, well I think you get the gist.
No evidence from me, but from you I want a great long list
And none will ever pass my 'expertly' shown analysis.
Oh yes, I am the very model of a Biblical Creationist!