Blessed are the poor in spirit: For they are easy to persuade.
Blessed are they that mourn: For they are easy targets.
Blessed are the meek: For they are easy to order about.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: For they are easy to fool with platitudes and falsities.
Blessed are the merciful: For they will easily forgive our trespasses against them.
Blessed are the pure in heart: For they make good PR.
Blessed are the peacemakers: For they will seek to accommodate.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: And if we can't find any, we'll invent them.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake: For I am vain, and would rather have you persecuted than have you escape with a harmless, meaningless lie.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: For there shall be pie in the sky, by and by, as there was for the suckers who came before you. Honest!
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