Y'know, if I were an actual veteran of an actual battlefield, who'd seen actual casualties screaming in actual pain, I would find this video just a tad distasteful. As it is, I'm in the lucky position of merely finding it laughable.
The prurient perceive that pullet-pulling is pervasive.
Military metaphors, they hope will be persuasive.
"Satan torments teens who take to Thomas-Tanking!
So we've announced a jihad, we've named the War On Wanking."
Don't you know that bishop-bashing is a sin?
For Jesus' sake, just keep that pecker in!
We know a doctor who surmises
Your wrists will end up different sizes,
You'll get tennis-elbow and a life-long squint.
So now the knuckle-shuffler's a battle-casualty,
And telling tales on wankers is the height of charity.
Ev'ry spied-on roommate is in need of evac, now!
In the War on Wanking, we don't leave a man who's down.
We're warring 'gainst unholy masturbation;
Appealing to your sense of self-congratulation.
If your roommate takes a swifty,
Just call us; do it quickly!
We'll reward you for your keyhole-fascination!
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