Y'know, I keep getting told that the ten commandments are the foundation-stones of western civilisation; and for years I've been vociferously disagreeing. It struck me today though that I'm mistaken. I've simply been thinking of the wrong ten. So, working from observation, I've put together what I think are the actual ten commandments being referred to.
- It doeth not matter how bad thou art in life, provided ye believeth in me and maketh a last-minute act of repentance. That said, here are the other rules thou shouldst follow, though they maketh no bloody difference in ye long run.
- Thy women (note possessive) should be made to know their place.
- Thou shalt not enjoy the disgusting icky rumpy-pumpies. Not even in the privacy of thine own abode.
- Thou shalt protect the unborn, for they are ensouled. The born, however, should not be aided, for that is THEFT of thy TAXES, and an abomination in mine eyes.
- Ye shall ignore any evidence which showeth that thou art ruining the world which I gave to thee; for some old fart in an old book hath claimed that I would not again visit destruction upon the world. Also ye should avoid mentioning that mine alleged promise doeth not preclude thee doing it thyselves.
- Seven point three billion is not enough. Ye should multiply more. (But keep in mind #III)
- The words 'secularist,' humanist' and 'atheist' are synonyms. Remember this, and do not allow proper use of language to dissuade thee of it.
- They who look for equality, if ye liketh them not, are in actual fact demanding that ye should be subservient to them, and so must be resisted. Again, ye should dissuade thyself from learning proper use of language.
- Mine own views totes agree with thine own prejudices. Every time.
- It is more important that thou be certain of the truth of thy beliefs, than that thou should check that those beliefs be true to the nature of mine universe.
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