Fig Leaf


So, yesterday, looking for something to take my mind off the constant barrage of bad news, I decided to put together another music compilation. This one's all instrumentals. A little more variety of genre than the last one I posted, but still with a fair few that I reckon will be new to the ears of most listeners.

Enjoy. And feel free to post any favourite instrumentals in comments, should you wish.

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W. T. F?

So let me get this straight. A dodgy private server is more important than rape?

To any readers in the USA, I am so, so sorry. You don't deserve this.

I dunno what else to say.

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Dear USA,

My country, Britain, has recently attained the much-sought-after position of Laughing-Stock Of The World. Our glorious leader, Saint Theresa May, is working tirelessly to not only maintain this position, but to raise us to such a condition of laughability that we cannot be removed from it. Our heroic gutter press have excelled themselves—even going so far as to resurrect tactics and headlines from Nazi propaganda rags—in their fervour to aid her in this quest.

But we need help from you, USA.

You don't need to do much. Just refrain from voting in an orange-skinned, sexist, racist, xenophobic, self-interested, egotistical, bone-headed, lying, swindling, tiny-fingered self-confessed sexual-molester as president of your country.

You have one job. Vote Clinton. We're counting on you.

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Meanwhile, In Brexit Headquarters…

"I say chaps, now we're leaving Europe, we need to make ourselves attractive to Johnny Foreigner, for trade deals and all that rot. Any suggestions on how to do that?"

Long silence.

"Wellll, it's just an idea…"

"Speak up old bean!"

"Why don't we try acting like a bunch of racist, xenophobic fuckups who've been banging on about getting out of Europe for forty years, yet have never bothered to come up with a plan for what to do after we leave? That should inspire confidence, surely?"

"Splendid! All in favour…"


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On Glamour Magazine & Bono

"Bono Just Became Glamour's First Man of the Year," exclaims the headline at Glamour Magazine. Note that it does not say, contra to the claims of reporters and commentators seemingly everywhere, that he's been named Woman of the Year, and most definitely not the Woman of the Year.

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How Many Days In A Month?

Mother very thoughtfully made a jam sandwich under no protest.

That, Gentle Reader, is a now-outdated mnemonic for the order of the planets going outwards from the sun. (The T is for Terra, an alternative name for the Earth.) The suggestions for non-Plutonian versions given on The Fount Of All Knowledge™ seem lacking to me in that, unlike the above, they omit the asteroid belt; but I must admit I do quite like "Mary's 'virgin' explanation made Joseph suspect upstairs neighbour."

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