Posts Tagged ‘google’

Google Tomfoolery: Blogspot Redirects

Here's a thing I found just now. Try to go to a Blogspot blog that's not in your own country, and Google, may they rot in a place of much smelly rottenness for a large portion of eternity, will try to redirect you to the same URL but with the domain code changed to your own local one. So it gets changed, for me, from




which, quite bloody obviously, ain't gonna lead anywhere, and I end up being served a "page does not exist" notification. (more…)

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Dear YouTube…

Dear YouTube,

I realise that you host videos on an amazing number of subjects. I really do. I even realise that you may well host more videos than I've already watched, about subjects I've already searched for. I do. I do!

The thing is though, right now, I'm not interested in more videos on subjects I searched for an hour or a day ago. If I was, I'd search for the damn things myself, using the search box you very helpfully provide at the top of your page. No, right now, I would be very interested in being presented with more videos on the subject I'm currently watching a video about.


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Another Anti-Google Post

As long-term readers may know, I have a bit of a history of being annoyed by Google. (To be found here  here  here and here.) Whilst there's not much I can do about their seeming desire to take over my entire online life, I have made it something of a mission to at least keep some control over how their search results are displayed, and to keep their annoying 'helpful' features out of my face. In terms of the latter, I was doing pretty well, but it involved several different tweaks which had to be combined.


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More Google Rubbish

Another feature to remove from Google’s ever-more cluttered search pages!

This one, however, starts with something that many (including me) won't consider quite as trivial as my previous post on removing Google features…

At some time, though I don't remember doing so, I must have joined google's +1 scheme. It requires you to provide your real name. What I didn't realise at the time was that it would then use my real name instead of the nym I'd provided when I created the Google account, whenever I used that account to make comments.


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Originally posted, 15 May 11. I’ve made a few changes to this one, rather than post it as-is, because Google’s ever-increasing desire to mess with our heads had led to them changing a few things; especially as regards Instant Preview, as the Greasemonkey script I originally offered didn’t work with the all-new tweaked version.

Daz gets annoyed by trivial shit again…

Google, over the years, have added various ‘helpful’ features to their search page. Now, I’m all in favour of being helped, but their idea and mine of what help I need seem to be somewhat at odds. The things I would really want would be exclusion of pages containing certain phrases from the results, or methods of narrowing my search within the results of the previous search. What I’m presented with are annoying drop-down lists, and ‘instant previews’ that pop up distractingly. These things can be turned off, but if you’re remotely fastidious about cleaning out cookies and other junk-files, you’ll find yourself having to edit search preferences on a regular basis. Yes, some people might find these things useful. Fine, but surely the obvious option would be for the extras to be turned off by default, rather than on. Anyway, that’s my obligatory rant out of the way. Here’s how to turn off some of the added-extras permanently.


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If you get annoyed by the drop-down suggestions list that appears as soon as you start typing in Google’s search-field you can turn them off in the Search preferences on the Google home-page, but as soon as you clear your cookies etc they’ll be right back there again. To turn them off permanently, just add /webhp?complete=0 to the end of the http://www.google.whatever in the address field of your browser, and re-bookmark it, or change your homepage accordingly if you have Google as your homepage, and you’ll never see them again.

When I originally posted this, the .whatever bit caused a little confusion. What I meant was the end part of the URL, which is country-specific. So, for instance, those using google.com would change the whole URL to http://www.google.com/webhp?complete=0 whilst Brits, whose URL ends in google.co.uk would use http://www.google.co.uk/webhp?complete=0 . Whatever the country-code, just add the extra bit after it.

(Note: Your browser might have its own inbuilt auto-complete function, which may also need to be turned off, or you might just find Google’s suggestions replaced by your browser’s. Anyone needing help with that, feel free to ask.)

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Dear Google

The other day, I opened my browser and saw your logo. I was actually quite offended, even though I’d almost forgotten what said logo looked like, that you hadn’t found some minor historical event or person to celebrate with an annoying animation. I have quite fallen in love with your animations, as they’re so useful in the way they distract my eyes from the search-box, letting me go in happy ignorance of the tpyos I produce. This really does help convince me tat my typing has inproves. Well until, that is, I get presented with the results of the search that I thought I’d made, for an archaeological article dealing with ‘digging’ in ‘Virginia’. Luckily I don’t have a wife, so this hasn’t even resulted in black eyes or divorce proceedings.

Particularly impressive, I thought, was your amazing graphic of the Great Exhibition, the other week. The way the large image of a magnifying-glass followed the mouse down, so that the transparent edge of the image covered a large part of the search box, preventing me from clicking the curser into it without carefully moving it away from the three-quarters of the box that were covered by something I couldn’t actually see, was particularly impressive. Why, the first few times I clicked and nothing happened, I actually thought that there might be a problem with my mouse-button. Genius!

I remember that, back in the good old days, when 28k and 56k connections were ubiquitous, I actually began my habit of making your search-page my home-page because it was free of huge graphics, and therefore loaded really quickly. Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock. Your amazingly annoying animations could then be even more annoying, as I chain-smoked half a pack of Camels, got the housework done, and nipped out to the shops, while waiting for your page to load.

Oooh! I just found out that some people still are on such connections. Some mobile connections actually still are that slow.

Jealous. So jealous…

Google, I thoroughly applaud your policy, which seems to be something along the lines of, “Something that’s quite popular and rather fun when done very occasionally, can only be improved by shoving it down people’s throats as often as bloody possible.” This completely agrees with my idea that if someone likes a bacon buttie occasionally, then obviously they should be perfectly happy to eat nothing but bacon butties. Forever. With no ketchup.

Yours, most sincerely,

P.S. The way I find that I’m automatically signed in to every damned Google service that I subscribe to, after merely signing in to YouTube to click ‘Like’ on a video, or lambaste someone over their u’se of a greengrocers’ apos’trophe on the comment-board,* is also extremely impressive. It’s not like I actually wanted a choice in the matter of what I sign in to, and when. Blimey! That’d be plain daft of me, wouldn’t it.

*I do not actually do thi’s.

Dear Lowly User
Dear Daz

Thank you for contacting our carefully hidden Customer Service Broom Closet Office. How did you find us? No matter. Changes have now been made which ensure that the contorted trail of links you must have clicked in order to do so will now lead to a user-led message board, where you may exchange advice on using our services with other users who have little more clue about them than you do.

Fuck off.

Yours sincerely,

P.S. This email will self destruct, melting your hard-drive in the process, in sixty (60) seconds. Have a nice day. (smiley-face)

P.P.S. BWAH HA ha ha haaaaaa!®

“BWAH HA ha ha haaaaaa!” is a registered trademark of Google.™
Do not reproduce without permission.
Evil laughs of inferior quality are available at the user’s own risk.

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