Thanksgiving

If there wasn't an America
'Twould be a shame and a sin,
For without it we'd have nothing
To keep the Americans in.

Be thankful indeed for America;
The land of the loud and the brash.
Give thanks they aren't living next door—
Why, the property prices would crash!

Give thanks, I say, for America—
Even unto your god if you must—
For without it, all the Americans
Would be over here, with us!

—Daz

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Rat Race

On checkout counters and production lines
We spend our time making your life better.
We sweep your streets and change your sheets;
We take your trash and bring you all your letters.

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Dear CofE: Welcome To The 1970s. Now, Push Off!

Hail the glorious, wonderful news!
To try to keep bums in its emptying pews,
The Church of England's gen'ral synod
Has decided the word of its perfect god
Was wrong—or maybe just lacking in tact.
So women can now wear mitred hats.
Isn't the Cee of Ee lovely? Who cares
That it had to be forced, and dragged by the hair?
It's marvellous news, that they now admit,
You don't need a penis to spout bull-shit.

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An Amusing Snip, A Mini-Rant & A Quote

So I had occasion to look up the spelling of Aldous Huxley's name a while back. (I can never, for some reason, remember whether it's 'Huxley' or 'Huxly.') I did it the obvious way: I typed it into Google, knowing it would correct me if I were wrong. (I wasn't, as it happens.)

Anyways, I learned this strange and interesting fact, from the right-hand side-bar where they put info-results for famous people and the like…

Slight mirth ensued.

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Mary, Mary Quite Contrary—Your Bigotry’s On Show

Mary Fallin doesn't like Teh military Gheys.
She's offended by their naughty wicked ways.
She saw 'em treated equal-like, and gettin' married-pay
And decided that they wouldn't, come what may.

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Yep: It’s That Time O’ Year Again…

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen;
Said Let's light the neighbourhood
For the Christmas season.
Brightly, shone his Santa Claus—
The holly round his windows.
Lights adorned his roof and walls
And neon traced the h-e-e-dge-row.

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Circular Arguments From Triangular Synonyms

You must place your trust in faith;
Believe in faith with all your heart.
You must keep your faith so you'll
Faith-fully play your proper part.

Trust's your compass, faith your sail.
Trust belief! Your faith demands it!
Trust belief, your sturdy anchor.
Faith's a must! Belief commands it!

Believe in faith and trust belief
And trust your faith with all your might.
Trust your beliefs, and you'll not fail—
For 'trust in faith' just sounds so right!

—Daz

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Vanity ≠ Justice

It's plain to tell
She lived life well,
But the funeral-bell
Tolls her entry to Hell.

She did good deeds,
Helped people in need,
Never gave in to greed,
But she had no creed.

Her steel is all rust,
To this god you call Just—
He wanted her trust
So her deeds are as dust.

All the soup-kitchen trays
And the money she raised
Are nowt in His gaze:
His ego needs praise!

He lets evil walk free
For His own vanity,
Yet punishes she.
He's evil, to me.

—Daz

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Answers To The Intros Quiz

Okay then, here's the answers to the intros quiz I put up the other day. If you've not yet had a go, here's the video again. How many of these do you recognise?

And here are the answers:

1. Slade – Cum On Feel The Noize
2. The Clash – Straight To Hell
3. Buddy Holly – Raining In My Heart
4. AC/DC – Highway To Hell
5. Dion – The Wanderer
6. The Sex Pistols – Pretty Vacant
7. Chuck Berry – Brown Eyed Handsome Man
8. The Specials – Rat Race
9. Sanford Clark – The Fool
10. Led Zeppelin – Dazed And Confused
11. Nancy Sinatra – These Boots Are Made For Walking
12. The Sweet – Action
13. Elvis Presley – King Creole
14. The Jam – Start!
15. Les Paul and Mary Ford – How High The Moon
16. The Stranglers – No More Heroes
17. Terrorvision – Alice, What's The Matter?
18. Bob Marley and the Wailers – Buffalo Soldier
19. The Doobie Brothers – Long Train Running
20. The Doors – Hello, I Love You
21. The Knack – My Sharona
22. Alannah Myles – Black Velvet
23. The Diamonds – Little Darlin'
24. Creedence Clearwater Revival – Fortunate Son
25. Wreckless Eric – Whole Wide World
26. Eddie Cochran – C'mon Everybody
27. Status Quo – Pictures Of Matchstick Men
28. The Band – Rag Mama Rag
29. The Hollies – Stop! Stop! Stop!
30. Joe Jackson – It's Different For Girls
31. Pink Floyd – Money
32. Erma Franklin – Piece Of My Heart
33. The Mamas and the Papas – Creeque Alley
34. The Beat – Can't Get Used To Losing You
35. The Cars – Just What I Needed
36. Rainbow – Since You've Been Gone
37. The Champs – Tequila
38. Dale Hawkins – Susie Q
39. Nazareth – Hair Of The Dog
40. Canned Heat – On The Road Again

—Daz

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A Musical Intros Quiz

Grab a pen 'n' paper. Here's a little music quiz video I made. How many of these intros do you recognise? I'll put the answers up on Friday evening (UK time). For best gloating-effect, try to get the song and the band/artist.

Please don't leave answers in the comments, where they might ruin other people's fun. If you want your gloat to be all confirmed and official an' stuff, feel free to mail me your answers at
thedixieflatline@hotmail.co.uk.
—Daz

The answers may now be found here.

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