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Posts Tagged ‘humour’

Nice Day For A Resurrection?

Happy Day Of The Living Dead umm, Easter, folks.
Daz







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Owa Taphoo Lamai

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14:1

As many a wit has told me over the years, my birthday being on the first day of April means that I must be a fool. Ho ho. As you might imagine, Gentle Reader, constant repetition by people who never stopped to think that I just might have heard it a few hundred times before has made the "joke" something of a sore point.

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Dear USA,

My country, Britain, has recently attained the much-sought-after position of Laughing-Stock Of The World. Our glorious leader, Saint Theresa May, is working tirelessly to not only maintain this position, but to raise us to such a condition of laughability that we cannot be removed from it. Our heroic gutter press have excelled themselves—even going so far as to resurrect tactics and headlines from Nazi propaganda rags—in their fervour to aid her in this quest.

But we need help from you, USA.

You don't need to do much. Just refrain from voting in an orange-skinned, sexist, racist, xenophobic, self-interested, egotistical, bone-headed, lying, swindling, tiny-fingered self-confessed sexual-molester as president of your country.

You have one job. Vote Clinton. We're counting on you.
Daz

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Meanwhile, In Brexit Headquarters…

"I say chaps, now we're leaving Europe, we need to make ourselves attractive to Johnny Foreigner, for trade deals and all that rot. Any suggestions on how to do that?"

Long silence.

"Wellll, it's just an idea…"

"Speak up old bean!"

"Why don't we try acting like a bunch of racist, xenophobic fuckups who've been banging on about getting out of Europe for forty years, yet have never bothered to come up with a plan for what to do after we leave? That should inspire confidence, surely?"

"Splendid! All in favour…"

Daz

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Sez Paul Simon:

You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.

That's five ways, Paul. Count 'em. Five!

So…

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There's bombs in Belgium, the NHS is being slowly sold off to the highest bidder, the welfare state is being gradually dismantled, and Cameron wants to hand the state school system to a bunch of profiteers, religious nutcases and McCorporations…. Gentle Reader, I simply cannot bring myself to look at the news today. So here's one of Mark Steel's excellent comedic lectures, instead.
Daz

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“The Most Miserable Day Of the Year”?

So Rustiguzzi sent me a link to this song. Apparently February the fifth is—at least according to John Finnemore—the most miserable day of the year. Well, not in nineteen fifty-three it wasn't! Or not for British children at least. It's the day sweet-rationing ended. (For the second time; they'd first ended the ration in 1949, but demand was so high that the supply couldn't keep up.)

But, anyway, it's an amusing little ditty, so I dug out five other songs which… Well I wouldn't call them all comedy songs, per se, but they all involve something of a sense of humour. So, sit back, pop a ration-free gob-stopper in yer mouth, and enjoy. And maybe have a slight chuckle now and again.
Daz

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